Evites: A How-To Guide

My roommates and I are having a Christmas party this Friday. As per Generation X rules we sent an invitation out via evite.

As usual, many a potential guest has chosen to be non-responsive. This always amazes me. Evite actually has a "maybe" option and people can't even commit to that?

Anyway, I was in an obnoxious mood so I sent out the following to everyone on the "not yet replied" list...oh, and by the way, yes, it's true the party organizer can see if you have viewed the invitation or not.

Friends,
It would help us to know how many people will be in attendance for Friday’s party. If you’re receiving this email it’s because you’re in the “not yet replied” category. As one who used to set up residence in that camp, I know what you’re going through. You’re likely falling into one of three categories:

1. The “this way I can pretend I never received the evite” category. Problem here is that evite actually allows the organizer (me) to see when you looked at the invitation. So I know that Molly Pearl viewed it on Monday and Cassidy Levy did so on Saturday, November 28th. Shake down, break down, you’re busted.

2. The “I won’t reply to evites” category. Listen, no one is more versed at taking pointless principled stands than I am (note my view on exclamation points, tucking in my shirt, never eating at mall chain Italian restaurants without vowels between the S and b). With that said, all we’re asking you to do is click “yes”, “no” or “maybe.” Let the hatred die, man. When you don’t forgive, you’re allowing the person/evite to cling to your heart for the rest of your life. Is that the battle you wish to fight?

3. The “truly uncommitted” category. Okay, here’s the deal: we’re two days before the party. At this point, you should have a pretty good idea if the cool people are going. If you’re still hemming and hawing, please email Trevor O'Neal (tro800@gmail.com) for a rundown on who the cool kids are.

Of course, there’s one more possibility: you’re in the “I don’t know what to write” category. Being a savvy evite respondent myself I can lend some advice.

Option 1: Simply reply sans comment. Boring but still better than writing “I’ll be there!!!!!!!!!!!!” or “Save a drink for meeeeeee!!!!”

Option 2: Go with a movie quote. It’s fairly nonsensical but popular at the same time. A timely placed “Rodents of unusual size? I don’t believe they exist” can go a long way

Option 3: Delegate responsibility for your decision. A personal favorite. Instead of committing, simply put someone else in charge for deciding if you’ll be in attendance. Should take the form of “only if Todd Hammer goes” or something similar.

Um…regardless of what your situation is, let us know if you’re coming so we can plan accordingly. Thanks.